Crafting and anxiety: a personal journey

My name is Jane Hurst. I have a PhD, am a black belt and school owner in a Korean martial art, and am an award winning author. I also suffer from a significant anxiety disorder.  Other than my close friends, most people would be surprised by this, as to the world I appear to be a successful and confident woman.

Through years of therapy, hard work and medication, I am able to manage my anxiety reasonably well. However, it is always there, never far from the surface. New places, people and activities make me anxious and I often find myself well outside my comfort zone. This was particularly the case when I recently attended a weekend of crafting workshops.

I have never been very practical and am a novice when it comes to crafting. However, I thought it would be a good experience to try something new and I am glad that I did. I have not only learned new skills, but I have also learned a lot about myself. Here are some of my personal reflections on the powerful and positive influence crafting can have on anxiety sufferers.

Self-doubt and fear
The first workshop I attended involved using acrylic paints to decorate a canvas case. I immediately felt my heart beat faster. I started to get very hot and my hands were shaking. I was afraid and panicky, fearing that I would make a complete mess of the project.

I was immediately reminded of a long forgotten childhood memory where I was in a bike decorating competition at my local school. I spent most of the hour available too panicked to do anything. It was an excruciatingly painful experience. Since this time, self-doubt and fear have held me back me from trying many new things.

This realisation was very powerful. I am no longer a child and I have many skills to help me cope with attacks of anxiety. I focused on my breathing, listened to the tutor’s instructions, and asked for help and guidance from those around me. Most of all, I remembered that I was there to learn and have fun. It didn’t matter how my project turned out. This calmed me and I found myself enjoying not only this workshop, but the other five I attended during the course of the long weekend.

Compassion
Learning any new skill inevitably involves making mistakes and I made plenty at the workshops I attended. This is hard for someone like me, as I am a perfectionist. At the first workshop, we used acrylic paint applied with stencils to add patterns. My attempts were mixed. Quite a few came out looking like blobs rather than nice patterns. Before I knew it, the negative chatter had started in my head. I was useless and couldn’t do anything right, at least that was what my brain was telling me.

I am my harshest critic and this underlies much of the anxiety I experience. During this workshop though, something amazing happened to me. I stepped back and looked at what I had produced and felt pride. Instead of looking at the flaws and imperfections, I saw how the colours matched well and how what I had perceived as mistakes actually made it look interesting.

Crafting requires us to embrace the imperfections. If we wanted something that was perfectly made, we would buy a mass produced product from a shop.  We craft for the enjoyment of making something ourselves and it is the imperfections that make our crafts special and unique.

We will always make mistakes, especially when we are learning a new skill. Instead of focusing on my failings or mistakes, during the course of the weekend I found I was becoming much more compassionate with myself. Here I was doing something new, that was well outside my comfort zone, and I was enjoying the experience.

Mindfulness
My career involves a lot of writing. As a professional business writer, I spend a lot of time focusing on the thoughts in my head. It can be difficult to switch off those thoughts, especially when I am feeling anxious. My mind gets full of worries, which make me anxious.

During the crafting workshops I had to completely focus on the project I was doing. It encouraged me to be in the moment. By closely listening to and diligently following the tutor’s instructions, my mind was only focused on one thing at any one time. This made it a very mindful experience for me. I was fully present in each moment and let go of the negative judgments about myself and my ability. I found the crafting really lifted my mood and calmed my mind. It felt great!

The power of creative expression
My crafting experience has really shown me the power of creativity as a way of managing my anxiety. I don’t have to be a great artist or a skilled craftsman. The simple act of making something with my own hands has a powerful and positive effect on my mental health and wellbeing. I know I will never be “cured” and that anxiety is with me for life, but I have found a new and enjoyable way to minimise its impact. Crafting has now been added to my toolbox of skills to keep myself well. Best of all, it’s fun to do!

Thanks Natalie May for your wonderful instruction.

Caroline Hurst
Contextual Behavioural Therapist
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